funny quotes
------------------
funny quotes
--------------
funny quotes
--------------
funny quotes
--------------
Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act. ~Truman Capote
--------------
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
--------------
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
--------------
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
--------------
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. ~George Bernard Shaw
--------------
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
--------------
I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter
--------------
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
--------------
May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
--------------
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
--------------
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
--------------
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. ~Author Unknown
--------------
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
--------------
Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. ~Tom Wilson
--------------
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
--------------
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
--------------
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ~Bob Hope
--------------
We know we're getting old when the only thing we want for our birthday is not to be reminded of it. ~Author Unknown
--------------
You're not 40, you're eighteen with 22 years experience. ~Author Unknown
--------------
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
--------------
In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
--------------
Middle age is having a choice between two temptations and choosing the one that'll get you home earlier. ~Dan Bennett
--------------
My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." ~Harmon Killebrew
--------------
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
--------------
Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever. ~Don Marquis
--------------
Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once. ~Dave Barry, "Your Disintegrating Body," Dave Barry Turns 40, 1990
--------------
In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn't have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
--------------
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
--------------
Our birthdays are feathers in the broad wing of time. ~Jean Paul Richter
--------------
May you live to be a hundred yearsWith one extra year to repent.~Author Unknown
--------------
Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
--------------
Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
--------------
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
--------------
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
--------------
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened. ~Jennifer Yane
--------------
I still have a full deck; I just shuffle slower now. ~Author Unknown
--------------
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
--------------
Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away. ~Dinah Craik
--------------
Henry James once defined life as that predicament which precedes death, and certainly nobody owes you a debt of honor or gratitude for getting him into that predicament. But a child does owe his father a debt, if Dad, having gotten him into this peck of trouble, takes off his coat and buckles down to the job of showing his son how best to crash through it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
--------------
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
--------------
A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown
--------------
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
--------------
First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly. ~Branch Rickey
--------------
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
--------------
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~Chili Davis
--------------
Father! - to God himself we cannot give a holier name. ~William Wordsworth
--------------
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
--------------
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. ~Mark Twain
--------------
Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. ~Red Buttons
--------------
A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. ~Enid Bagnold
